A Series of Unfortunate Events The Creepy Curse
by Noirness
Summary: This story, I regret to inform you, contains such unpleasantries as a mother's father's neighbour's best-friend's cousin's son, a stick, an old pizza and a town called Silent Hill.
1. Chapter One

**A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Creepy Curse**

* * *

A/N: I do not own Silent Hill or Lemony Snicket...although if Jude Law really were Lemony Snicket I would very much want to own him. This is my first time at a SH parody so please...be gentle.

* * *

Chapter One

Most stories begin with a horrible ending but eventually lead to a happy-ever-after. Cinderella, for example, began as a mistreated step-daughter and became queen of the land. Snow White was stuck with seven needy men but managed to find a prince charming. A friend of mine was once stuck in the stomach of a whale, but he ended up keeping most of his limbs.

This story, however, begins terribly and ends terribly. You will find no happy endings, for the Baudelaire children have faced nothing but bad things since the death of their parents. So if you are looking for a happy-ever-after, you best put this book down and read another.

Violet, Klaus and Sunny sat despondent, a word here that means, "not very happy," in the backseat of Mr. Poe's car. Violet was the oldest of the Baudelaire children and had a keen knack for inventing. One could always tell when Violet's mind was busy at work thinking up a new invention when she tied her hair back from her face with a ribbon. Klaus was second oldest and very good at reading difficult books. He knew alot about everything and had a quick mind for difficult words. Sunny was the youngest and only an infant. She had four very sharp teeth and was quite skilled at biting with them.

After their last encounter with the dastardly Count Olaf, the word "dastardly" here means, "a mean old man who tries to marry or kill children in order to get their family fortune," Mr. Poe was taking the children to a remote location to be raised by their mother's father's neighbour's best-friend's cousin's son. The reason they were going somewhere remote was because Count Olaf had a wicked talent for disguising himself and showing up whereever the children were sent to live. Although Violet, Klaus and Sunny had no problem seeing through his facade, Mr. Poe and many other adults were not as keen.

Mr. Poe coughed into his white hankerchief. "You'll be staying...cough...with your mother's father's neighbour's best-friend's cousin's son...cough."

"What does he do?" Klaus asked curiously. Ever since their visit at the Lucky Smells Mill, the children were reluctant to stay with anyone that would make them work. While at the mill, they had to debark, cut, tie and stamp wood and were paid in coupons.

"I'm not sure...cough...I think he's into tourism or something...cough...That's probably why he lives in a place like Silent Hill...cough...It's a resort town."

"Bak!" Sunny exclaimed, which probably meant something like, "Yay! A resort town sounds relaxing!"

"Silent Hill?" Violet repeated. "I've never heard of that place before."

"I think I read about it in a book once," Klaus stating, since he has in fact read many things in many books. "It used to be a resort town, but now people say it's haunted."

"Haunted?" Mr. Poe asked, after coughing once again into his hankerchief. "I highly doubt that. It's a quiet place."

"What's our guardian's name?" Violet asked politely.

"His name is James Sunderland...cough...and he's meeting us on the observation deck just outside of town...cough...I would come into town with you but...cough...I have a very important meeting."

"Have you told him about Count Olaf?" Klaus asked, concerned that their former guardian would appear again.

"I did...cough...I gave him a full description...cough...If anything suspicious happens, he's to notify me immediately."

Although this statement sounded reassuring, I can assure you that it did not reassure the Baudelaire orphans. I am sure that any other trio of children in any other situation would be reassured, but these children were assured that Count Olaf would surely show up. Giving descriptions and such has yet to help them escape Count Olaf's clutches. They've had to do that on their own.

Suddenly, Mr. Poe's car plunged into a thick fog. The children couldn't see anything outside their windows. Mr. Poe slowed the car to a crawl and proceeded toward the town.


	2. Chapter Two

**A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Creepy Curse**

* * *

A/N: I do not own Silent Hill or Lemony Snicket...I'm sure if I did own Lemony Snicket, I would be violating certain freedom laws and such. The shortness of the chapters is intentional, so deal.

* * *

Chapter Two

Mr. Poe dropped the children, and their sparse luggage, off at a restroom near the observation deck. The children looked around, curious of their location. Violet noticed a parked car near the restroom, its driver-side door open. She was thinking of an invention that would automatically close your car door so that it could not be left open. Klaus was looking out onto the large gray lake, thinking about what he has read about lakes and their marine-life. Sunny was admiring the tall, thin trees that framed the lake and thinking about how she would love to chew on them.

The children were startled when a man, only about twenty-seven or twenty-eight, emerged from the restroom and spoke loudly.

"You must be the Baudelaire children!"

"Yes," Violet replied politely. "I am Violet, this is my brother Klaus and our sister Sunny."

"I'm James Sunderland...did Mr. Poe leave so quickly?"

"I'm afraid he did."

"That's too bad. Anyway, you guys can leave your luggage in my car. I have to take a short trip into Silent Hill, so you're welcome to come along."

"What's in Silent Hill?" Klaus asked.

"Well, I got this letter from my wife, Mary, saying she would be here."

The weight of their entire situation began to lift from the orphans. A mother AND a father for a guardian? It was too good to be true.

"But it's too good to be true," James sighed. "She died three years ago. But the dead can't write letters, can they?"

Klaus thought back to every book he had read about death. "No, I don't believe they can."

"Well, it's weird anyway, so I thought I'd check it out. What do you say?"

Violet and Klaus looked at each other, then turned to Sunny. It sounded more interesting than waiting in the car. Besides, what's the worse that could happen in a foggy, creepy and supposedly ghost-infested resort town?

"Sure, we would love to come," Violet replied, picking up Sunny while Klaus placed their luggage in James' car. They followed James down a long staircase that led to a wooded trail.

The path had an ominous feeling to it, the word "ominous" here means, "kind of creepy and disturbing." The trees loomed above them and the water rocked violently against the shore. The fog was ever thickening. Violet held Sunny tight and walked close to Klaus. James walked ahead of them on the path.

"I don't know about this," Violet said nervously. "This place seems really...I don't know..."

"Ominous?" Klaus suggested.

"Yes, that. And what if Count Olaf shows up? In a place like this, he could be anywhere."

"That's Toluca Lake," James said, pointing toward the lake, trying to make conversation. "There's a hotel and amusement park on the other side, but they are both closed."

"I think I read once," began Klaus, "that there was once a prison underneath the lake during the Civil War."

"Really? I didn't know that."

"What do you do for a living, Mr. Sunderland?" Violet asked.

"Please, call me James. I'm not sure...Since Mary died it's been a blur. I just remember her, nothing else. I'm not even sure if that was my car."

Violet gave Klaus a restive look, "restive" meaning, "unsure about the mental condition of their new guardian." Klaus shrugged his shoulders. They had little choice but to follow James into SIlent Hill.

Eventually the wooded path led the group to a rusty gate. The rusty gate eventually led them to a dismal graveyard. The children walked close together as they proceeded past the broken tombstones.

"Excuse me, I..." James began to say. The children squinted into the fog to see who he was talking to. They could see the outline of a young woman. She seemed to be searching the tombstones for a name.

"I, I'm sorry...I, I...I was just...looking for my mama. I thought she was here, but I guess they moved her to a sunnier location."

"Bulu!" said Sunny, which probably meant something like, "I don't blame her. The fog here is really creepy."

"Oh!" The young woman exclaimed. "What a cute baby! What's she saying?"

"She said she doesn't blame your mother for wanting to move because of the fog," Violet answered. Although the rest of the world couldn't, Violet and Klaus understood Sunny perfectly.

"I'm Angela by the way," the girl said. "Are you new to the area?"

"I'm James," said James, introducing himself. "This is Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire. They've been put in my care."

"Where are your parents?" Angela asked.

"They died in a horrible fire," Klaus replied.

Angela looked around the graveyard. "Do you think they are here?"

"No," Violet replied. "They were buried closer to where we lived."

"I mean their spirits, dear...Could they be here?"

James gave the children a confused look and ushered them to the other side of the graveyard.

"It was nice meeting you, Angela! Say 'Hi' to your mom for me!"

"Thanks! I hope you find who you're looking for!"

* * *

AFF: Thanks for my first review on this story! You should read the Lemony Snicket books if you get a chance. They are children books but the style of writing is hilarious! As for writing a pleasing story for me, you already have. I love your James story and your PH inner monologue. Now I feel like talking about this story: The point of the Snicket books is that the orphans are constantly being taken to different guardians and the evil Count Olaf shows up in disguise wanting to steal their family fortune. When I started this story, I thought, "Who could be their guardian in Silent Hill?" and I thought James would be perfect. God love his character, but he's the last person I'd want taking care of my kids. Anywho, just a little background info. I love to babble. glomp 


	3. Chapter Three

**A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Creepy Curse**

* * *

A/N: I do not own Silent Hill or Lemony Snicket...If I did, I would not be writing fanfiction based on them...I would be suntanning in Fiji.

* * *

Chapter Three

"...and that's when I said 'no thanks,' and started running"

James had just completed another monotonous story, the word "monotonous" here means, "boring enough to make a yeti sleep like a baby." The orphans sighed inwardly was they walked through the foggy streets of Silent Hill. Violet was thinking about a contraption she could invent that would help someone see through the fog. Klaus was thinking about any books he had read about fog. Sunny was thinking about chewing on James' leg.

"Zupa?" Sunny asked, which meant something like, "So where is it we are going, anyway"

James turned around. "Did she say something"

"She just wants to know where we are headed," Violet interpreted.

"Oh, well, the letter said that she would be waiting in our special place. We went to Rosewater Park alot, so I thought I would check there"

When they turned the corner onto yet another foggy street, the children were surprised to see a smear of blood along the road. When James stepped in the blood, he looked nervously at the children.

"I don't think this is something children should look at," he said, stepping away from the blood. "I'll just use this stick to scrape it away"

"I think I could invent something to get rid of the blood," Violet said helpfully. "You would just need some water and salt and something hard to scrub with"

"I read once that blood coagulates after the body dies," Klaus said helpfully. "Whoever this blood belongs to, they are already dead"

"Linky oppo!" Sunny exclaimed helpfully, which probably meant something like, "We could just ignore it and keep walking"

"Sunny has a good point," Klaus said. "We could just ignore it and keep walking"

"What a smart baby!" James said in awe. "I'll hang onto this stick just in case."

* * *

Finally they made it to Rosewater Park. It was at one time a very beautiful park, but the fog and bad weather made it look dreary and dismal. The dreariness and dismalness made the Baudelaire children feel unhappy, although there was really nothing to feel unhappy about. Maybe they knew that Count Olaf was lurking just around the corner. Maybe they knew that the unfortunate events that were surrounding their lives were about to continue.

It was when they reached the boardwalk facing the lake that their suspicions were confirmed: Leaning against the railing, gazing out onto the still water, was a woman. She looked like a woman from a distance, at least. She had short blond hair and wore a tight pink cardigan, a pink leopard print skirt and knee-high black boots. She turned around, and when she saw the Baudelaire orphans and their guardian, she let out a giggle.  
An all too familiar giggle.

They had heard it before, at Dr. Orwell's office, the time they were forced to stay at the miserable mill. It had come from a woman named Shirley and it was coming from this woman now.

The only problem was, Shirley was not a woman.

Shirley was Count Olaf in disguise.

James rushed over to the woman, eager to introduce himself.

"Hi! My name is James." "I'm Maria," replied the woman in a high pitched voice.

"You remind me of my dead wife, Mary"

"Do I?" The woman giggled.

The Baudelaire children knew better. Maria was Count Olaf in disguise. It was painfully obvious: They could see the huge feet shoved into the black boots. They could see the too familiar, shiney eyeballs peeking out from behind blond hair. They could see a nefarious, a word here that means "Baudelaire-hating," look in those eyes.

"Oh, and who are these lovely children"

"Nabo!" Sunny shrieked, which meant something like, "You know who we are you evil man"

"What are you doing in Silent Hill, Maria?" James asked politely.

Klaus couldn't hold it in anymore. Sunny was right. "That's not Maria! That's Count Olaf, the evil man after the Baudelaire fortune"

James gave Maria an embarassed smile and pulled the children aside so that Maria could not hear. "Listen, children, Mr. Poe warned me about Count Olaf. He told me all about him. This is just a poor woman lost in Silent Hill. We should be nice and help her out"

"But it's Count Olaf," Violet argued. "He's dressed up as a woman before named Shirley"

"But this is Maria"

"But..." Klaus began.

"But nothing," James said, a little more harshly. He turned from the children and returned to Maria.

"I'm so glad you found me," Maria said, dramatically playing with her hair. "I'm so lost. It would be awful nice of you to help me out. I'm trying to find the Lakeview Hotel. Do you know where it is"

"Sure!" James said, excited to help. "You can come with us. We'll take you there. Mary said she'd be in our special place, so maybe it's at the hotel"

"Perfect," Maria replied, casting an evil eye at the Baudelaire orphans.

* * *

Maverick: Hehehehe, I snuck up on you, didn't I? Thanks for the review! 

Sydon: I'm glad you're having fun!

Brackish: Never have I had a review that started with 'holy crap'. Thanks for reviewing!


	4. Chapter Four

**A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Creepy Curse**

**

* * *

**

A/N: I do not own Lemony Snickett or any Lemony Snickett related materials. I do own a 6-foot cut-out of Gandalf the Wizard. (true story!)

* * *

Chapter Four

The Baudelaire children huddled together as they followed James and Maria through the foggy streets of Silent Hill. Occasionally they exchanged pessimistic looks, a word here that means, "not very happy," but said nothing. They knew that if anything were to be done, it would have to be done by them. They were waiting for the right time.

They passed deserted building after deserted building. Between the deserted buildings and the fog, this town wasn't much fun at all. However, one of the deserted buildings suddenly became unique. It was unique because a noise was coming from inside of it.

"What is that noise?" James asked.

"It's coming from inside that deserted building," Klaus answered.

As they came closer to the deserted building, the source of the noise became more clear: it was a small radio emitting rather annoying static.

"….lue men…….ald's…..try……mac….free toy…"

"What the…?" James asked, picking up the radio. "I can't hear a word it's saying, but I'd better take it anyway. We may need it."

"I can try to fix it," Violet offered, her hand creeping to the pocket that housed her inventing-ribbon.

"I've read about radios," Klaus offered, pushing his glasses up his nose. "I can try to get a signal."

"Wazzopu!" Sunny offered, which probably meant something like, "I can bite it!"

"Oh, these silly children," Maria laughed, tossing around the fake blond hair. "They think they're so smart!"

"We're smarter than you know," Violet grumbled. "We keep figuring out your schemes."

Maria laughed again, this time a bit nervously. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Silly children!"

James either ignored the exchange or was oblivious to it, a word here that means, "not paying attention".

"We need to keep going," James said, pocketing the radio. "If Mary is waiting for me, she'll get impatient if I'm late."

* * *

The large amount of walking began to take its toll on Maria's feet. She insisted that they stop at the bowling alley to take a rest. James embraced the idea, whereas the Baudelaire siblings knew that any delays in leaving Silent Hill meant that Olaf would be more likely to follow through with his plans to kill them and steal their fortune.

The bowling alley was as dilapidated, a word here that means, "kind of cruddy and run-down," as the rest of the town. Water dripped through the ceiling onto the stained wood floor. The children wrinkled their noses as they entered. Something smelled bad.

"Mappu!" shrieked Sunny, which probably meant something like, "Something smells bad!"

"I smell it too," replied Klaus, holding his nose closed.

"Ick! What's that smell?" asked James, stepping cautiously towards the alleys.

"I don't smell anything," giggle Maria, eyeing the children with a look of ill-content.

"I think it's coming from that box!" exclaimed Violet, pointing towards a box sitting on a table.

James approached it and poked it with his stick. The box slid over an inch and remained still. He carefully opened the lid with the stick and jumped back in horror at what he saw.

"Ewwww!"

The children huddled together as the smell and scary atmosphere wafted to them. James closed the box and held his hand over his mouth.

"That is one moldy pizza," was all he could manage to say.

* * *

Gaia Faye: Hey, who knows what Mary will end up being like. maniacal laughter

Saddened Soul: I hope you get around to writing some funny stories. Please let me know when you do! Thanks for reviewing!

Anom: Thanks for the compliment! You complete me…


End file.
